17 August 2012

Advice with Steph B-More: Cheap or Gauche?

I've been dating a wonderful guy for quite some time. The thing that bothers me is that he ALWAYS makes it a point to point out that something is free. Today he was telling me about a museum he went to "and it was all free, too." Swear to gawd it's like nails on a fucking chalkboard.

How do I get him to stop doing that? I think it is super tacky. Someone once told me that bragging about snagging a nice pair of shoes for $5 is the same as bragging about them being $500. I agree. I see no point in bringing up the cost of something. Am I tripping for no reason? How do I get him to stop doing this?
---No Time For Cheap Ones

First off, I had to look up the word “gauche”.  
Gauche: lacking social grace, sensitivity or acuteness.
I have learned something new and for that, I thank you. Now that I know what the word means, I am better equipped to help you.
Is he cheap? Honestly I don’t know. Bragging about a good deal isn’t necessarily being cheap. He might enjoy saving money on certain aspects of his life so that he can splurge on what he really wants, like maybe a car or a house, or some nice shoes. I don’t know.
Is he gauche? Ehh…basically you are asking if he’s being tacky? That’s subjective. Is he bragging around all of your friends, or just to you? If it’s just to you, maybe he feels comfortable enough to say to you “I really enjoyed this trip to the museum and the best part of it all was that it was free.99.”  If it’s around others, I take it you feel embarrassed? Honestly I don’t get this…and maybe I’m a different kind of woman.
Women want men to take them places, buy them things, show them the world but if it’s attached to a discount, a Groupon, a living social deal, or a hook up, then all of  a sudden he’s cheap. Women want men, in this economy of all things, to pay full price for everything. Why does that matter? This reminds me of when I got free lunch. Kids would make fun of the kids on free lunch in elementary school because we were “poor” but guess what bitch…I’m eating the same lunch as you and mines is free. We need to stop this elitist thinking.
You think rich people pay full price for everything? HELL NO. That’s why they are rich, because they make power moves and save money instead of trying to impress people with $200 date dinners when they only make $650 a week.
If you really like him and he’s wonderful, then why not just play it off or joke with him about it. When he talks about a freebie you could say “My man always knows how to get a great deal!” instead of being embarrassed. Or rather, talk to him one on one about it…just say straight up say “I know you love finding great deals and that’s cool but you don’t have to tell everyone how much you paid for things.”
If this doesn’t work, find a new man because obviously image is more important to you than love. Your man should be free to be himself and if it’s annoying or bothering you this much, he’s not the one for you because it’s doubtful he’ll change.
That’s all I got.
---Steph B More
P.S. I realize I said “first off…” and didn’t come with a “second off…” It’s implied. Grammar police.
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  1. you're definitely on point with your advice!
    i love a good deal and have no qualms with pointing it out!

  2. FIRST OFF, girl youse a beast. Love havin you on the squad.

    It really does sound like the chick who wrote you is looking to be with a baller. It's blatantly obvious. It's such a shame how that ignorant lifestyle portrayed in popular urban music can't just be enjoyed without our sistas (assuming she's black) EXPECTING men to model their lifestyle after the B.M.F.'s of the world. Hell, I almost wish it stood for BUILDING Money Fast

    Our people have no concept of saving money. So if a guy comes along that actually gets it, all of a sudden it's a crime? It's unattractive? It's like nails on a chalkboard? That's just crazy to me. My last girlfriend used to HATE the fact I wanted to spoil her so much, and she let me know early in the relationship that no amount of money I spend on her will turn her on. Needless to say, being with her allowed me to fix my credit, pay of my car, and actually build a savings account. I guess I lucked out, lol.

    I really feel sorry for the DUDE in this situation though. Women should be able to appreciate the money a man is able to SAVE way more than the money he BLOWS.

  3. i don't get some chicks these days. a dude needs to pay full price but your entire date night outfit was on sale!!!! if a man has a coupon he better use that coupon. my fiance and i save whenever and however we can. that's probably why we have 3 cars and no car payments. its neither cheap or gauche its smart!