14 June 2012

Crazy Canibus!


So Can and his manager are claiming that the previously mentioned Tumblr "apology" are fakes. Goodness, I hope so. According to Canibus, Dizaster won fair and square (not like Can-I-Bust put up much of a fight) and that's all there is to it. I must say, though, whoever made the allegedly fake Tumblr page has a hell of a sense of humor.

Canibus (or Can-I-Bitch, as Eminem calls him): dude, you were a lyrical monster in your prime, known not just for your lyrical assassination of LL Cool J with "Second Round Knockout," but also because of your hungry and powerful raps across multiple albums and features. I don't know if you're inhaling the bath salts by the pound or if the painkillers they have you on because of your shoulder are messing with you, but let me give you a little lesson in Hip Hop Battles 101: SPIT YOUR RHYMES FROM THE DOME! I know you wanted to give the fans what they paid to see, a battle rap, but what we DID NOT want to see was some written buffoonery. Shame on you. Go back home, write some $#!+, make it suspenseful. Hell, take the mic home with you! Ha...I kill me.

Original Posting: 14 June 2012 8:27am


I almost don't want to write this article. Almost.

So we have an update about Canibus' crazy performance at the recent King of the Dot performance; you know the one where he gave up and then started spitting horrible lyrics from a notebook? Yea, so Can-I-Bust (that's what I call him now; see previous article) claims that he was abducted by alien agents and therefore distracted from putting his all into the Vendetta battle. I am *praying* that this is a hilarious joke by Can and not something that he seriously believes in. Ok, I'm done (for now); read the following from his Tumblr account, in his own words.

"A few days before the KOTD Vendetta event, I was abducted by human blood sucking leeches who did not make their identity known, but I assume were agents of the dark world. While in my vehicle ready to pay for a toll, a helicopter attached with a satellite device that promotes fear flew directly over me. Upon being aware of what was happening I decided to escape on foot and flee from this radioactive device that can cause mental and emotional harm to any man- Even a man who possesses the brain waves of a complicated degree such as myself. As I abandoned my vehicle, I got to a fence and as I climbed underneath, the helicopter got visual contact on its target and there was nothing I could do. Completely lost in a parallel universe I was removed from consciousness and as I woke up I had secret agents of some kind asking me why I decided to battle in this event that was being broadcasted world-wide. I explained to them it was strictly Hip Hop related but they did not believe me. They used Chinese water torture methods at first to try to break my spirits to no avail. They attached wires to my skull and moved on to "Alternative 2." They then inquired about my knowledge of secret societies and about my experiences in the military."

Another one bites the dust...

-The Niftian

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